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Special

by Shiloh

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1.
Summer 01:24
I've thought about it ten times since I've been home for the summer. Why should I have to stay here for much longer? It doesn't seem healthy. I feel so much weaker... And unable to get out of bed when I need to and I really need to... Get out of my head away from all these thoughts that keep bringing me down and the only option... Is to move away from away from here, get the hell outta here, to a place where the days seem shorter and more structured. And it really feels like I'm wasting all my time finding the reasons to enjoy all of the extra sunlight.
2.
Washed Out 03:14
I'm having trouble goin' to work, goin' to work, just to go to work again. My thoughts are muffled and I feel the same, I feel the same, I feel the same way everyday. I thought I had it figured out, washed out sunlight drenches my bedroom floor as I wait to go to work or have some plans at night. I think I'm wasting my time.
3.
Backyard 05:07
It's just as easy to go to a friends house for a few hours just to get away from all this pain. It's not as easy being alone as it used to be 'cause we're always thinking 'bout everything. I guess I could have worked it out, I guess I could have felt better but, distractions are easier than solutions. All of these thoughts looming over me so very strangely make me feel so damn unimportant. I walk through the gate in your backyard, wearing this huge smile, hoping that no one will see through it. I'll talk through the hate in the back of my mind for a long while secretly thinking you don't mean shit. I'll grab a cold can, shake a new hand, wanting to believe that this will all make me feel much better. It's just a bad plan and scheme that no one wants to believe because they will just apply it to each other. Seems like I'm shit out of luck with everything, might wanna try to pick up the pieces of my life that I always covered up with all these plans. Seems like I'm shit out of luck as a human being, might wanna try to be another species like a dog or a cat, blissfully unaware of it's own demise. And I'll live forever 'till I curl up and die in my own backyard. And I'll live forever 'till I simply cease to exist.
4.
August 04:49
Good think I left on a good note. Good thing that those words were never heard. I hate you and you hate me so let's give it up with all these formalities. Why couldn't you be a little more respectful? Why can't you respect my space? You do it for the laughs, you do it for your friends, so please just get the hell out of my face. Why do you think you have the right... Why do you think you have the right... Why do you think you have the right... Why do you think you have the right to go and endanger other peoples lives?
5.
Special 03:36
Pass me a coke and I'll drink it for the laughs. Fuck everything that you thought would last. 'Cause I am your heart and I am your mind. I am your bone marrow but you are not mine because... I'm special and made of matter, not that I matter. And I'm precious, but not impressive. I'm recyclable and reusable. Everything that you thought would be okay is filled with air and it holds no weight. 'Cause you found peace in the pieces of your mind. You found solace in whats wrong with your life because... You're special. I'm crazier then last time that you saw me. I'm fading rather quickly so come and grab me. And you once thought that things would be okay. But trust me that your mind goes with the days. And picking up the pieces of your life... Is a lot harder to do as time goes by.

credits

released November 13, 2015

Recorded, Mixed, Mastered by Sean Fitzpatrick

Photo Courtesy of Peggy O'Sullivan

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Shiloh Boston, Massachusetts

FADE out now on Honest Face Records.

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